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Mettā doesn't have to be a warm feeling. If you think about other people’s well-being and take that into consideration as you plan your actions, that’s an awful lot right there.

"I’ve heard many people complain that they can think thoughts of goodwill [mettā], but they don’t get any warm feeling out of it. Well, it’s not necessary to have the warm feeling, as long as you think about other people’s well-being and take that into consideration as you plan your actions. That’s an awful lot right there." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "Goodwill in Heart & Mind"

Other people want happiness too, just like you. It’s just that we live in this world where people have lots of different levels of understanding and levels of behavior, and you have to be forgiving.

"So goodwill [mettā] for yourself means not harming others. And then you start thinking about them. They want happiness too, just like you. It’s just that we live in this world where people have lots of different levels of understanding and levels of behavior, and you have to be forgiving. So when anger comes up, you’ve got a tool to deal with it." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "Guardian Meditations"

Blessings don’t come from the stars. They don’t come from the words of other people. They come from your actions. You protect yourself with your actions; you bless yourself with your actions.

"One of the suttas we chanted just now was the Mangala Sutta . The word mangala means blessing. It also means protection. The story behind the sutta is that a deva came to see the Buddha and asked him, “People talk about protection. They talk about blessings. What is a real protection? What’s a real blessing?” The Buddha gave a list, starting with very simple things — not associating with fools, associating with wise people — ultimately building up to complete awakening, the point being that blessings don’t come from other things. They don’t come from the stars. They don’t come from the words of other people. They come from your actions. You protect yourself with your actions; you bless yourself with your actions." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "Blessings"

Instead of focusing on getting revenge or retribution, you open your mind to the question of what you might do or say that would actually get them to change their ways.

"Even when people behave unjustly, you have to learn how to set aside thoughts of revenge, because they accomplish nothing good. Remind yourself that what other people do is their kamma; what you do is your kamma. You can’t ultimately be responsible for their kamma; however, you can be responsible for your own actions. So, you spread thoughts of goodwill [mettā]: thoughts that they may be happy, and especially that they may understand the causes for true happiness and then really act on them. That’s a thought you can extend even to people who are really cruel. In fact, you especially want to extend that to cruel people so that instead of focusing on getting revenge or retribution, you open your mind to the question of what you might do or say that would actually get them to change their ways. That way your intentions become more skillful." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "The Wisdom of Wising Up" (Meditations6)

We’re not stuck in our old ways unless we keep ourselves stuck. We have the choice. The Buddha’s giving you some instructions on how to take advantage of that power of choice to fabricate your experience skillfully.

"As you look at the Buddha’s teachings, see that he’s teaching in a way that’s just right for people who are fabricating in unskillful ways, and who need directions in how to fabricate in new ways, with the realization that it is possible to change. Then you can apply the lessons to yourself. We’re not stuck in our old ways unless we keep ourselves stuck. We have the choice. The Buddha’s giving you some instructions on how to take advantage of that power of choice to fabricate your experience skillfully. And there’s nothing to keep you from trying those recommendations out." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "How to Change" (Meditations11)

If we were just material beings, having to feed our desires without any choice, that would be hopeless. But, as the Buddha said, we actually have the potential for good habits that we can develop and we can make our choices.

"If we’re just automatons, if everything were determined, if we were just material beings having to feed our desires without any choice, that would be hopeless. But, as the Buddha said, the whole point of the teaching is that we are not hopeless. We actually have the potential for good habits that we can develop and we can make our choices. We don’t have to follow our old ways. It is possible to turn a new leaf." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "The Pain of Conviction"

Working with the breath is headed in the right direction. We don’t just sit in the present moment. The present moment has an arrow. Time has an arrow. It moves into the future. What you choose to do now will have an impact now and on into the future.

"So when the mind feels tempted to go out someplace else, remind yourself: What you’re doing right here, being with the breath, even though you may not be seeing all the results you want right away, at least it’s headed in the right direction. We don’t just sit in the present moment. The present moment has an arrow. Time has an arrow. It moves into the future. What you choose to do now will have an impact now and on into the future. Sometimes the immediate impact is not what you want, or not as good as you want, but it’s headed in the right direction. It’s part of a path, a path that leads to knowledge, a path that leads to awakening, a path that leads to goodness all around. So when you’re tempted to slip off the path, remind yourself, it’s hard to find a path that good. And whatever else you’re slipping off to is pretty miserable in comparison. It’s in this way that reflection on gratitude in the context of karma can bring you right here, doing what you should be doing in terms ...