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Showing posts with the label Friends

Sartre said that “Hell is other people,” but no, hell is yourself. Yet it doesn’t have to be.

"When the Buddha pointed out the causes of suffering, he said they’re inside. Sartre said that “Hell is other people,” but no, hell is yourself. Yet it doesn’t have to be. Your self doesn’t have to be hell. The things you do in the mind can switch around and they can become your genuine friends. Your admirable friends." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "Tending the Flame"

Your good or bad actions, not other people's, determine whether you'll go to heaven or hell

"Admirable friends can’t do the work for you. As [the Buddha] says, no one can purify you; you can’t purify anybody else. You don’t go to heaven because of other people’s good actions; you don’t go to hell because of other people’s bad actions. It’s your actions that determine that. So there is that sense in which you’re separate. And of course you’re the one who chooses your friends to begin with. So in that way, the separateness of our selves comes first." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "A Separate Self"

The Buddha advises you to protect other beings, protect their belongings, respect people's rights, tell the truth, and promote friendships and goodness in other people. This is the positive side to virtue.

"When the Buddha advises you not to kill, he also recommends that you be gentle and protective of other beings. The same with the precept against stealing: You also protect other people’s belongings as best you can. The precept against illicit sex: You respect people’s rights; you don’t let your lust overcome the bounds of propriety. The precept against lying: You try to be a person who tells the truth, you try to promote friendships, you try to promote goodness in other people as well. So there’s a positive side to virtue, too." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "Spread Goodness Around" (Meditations9)

If it turns out you did do harm, you go talk it over with somebody who has experience on the path. Don’t be ashamed. Don’t be embarrassed. We’re here to learn. Talk it over with somebody you trust, and then learn that lesson for the next time around.

"You will make mistakes, but learn how to learn from them, and the best way to be willing and able to learn is to make sure that you start out with the intention not to harm. Then you can check to see: If you’re harming anybody, harming yourself, you stop. If you don’t see any harm, you continue. Then, after the action is done, you look at the long-term results. If it turns out you did do harm, you go talk it over with somebody who has experience on the path. Don’t be ashamed. Don’t be embarrassed. We’re here to learn. Talk it over with somebody you trust, and then learn that lesson for the next time around. It’s this way that your good intentions become skillful, and even when you do make a mistake, the fact that you were operating on good intentions to begin with makes it a lot easier to live with the fact that you made a mistake. It’s in this way that your practice stays protected — you’re protected and you’re protecting others through your actions." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu ...

Your good or bad actions, not other people's, determine whether you'll go to heaven or hell

"Admirable friends can’t do the work for you. As [the Buddha] says, no one can purify you; you can’t purify anybody else. You don’t go to heaven because of other people’s good actions; you don’t go to hell because of other people’s bad actions. It’s your actions that determine that. So there is that sense in which you’re separate. And of course you’re the one who chooses your friends to begin with. So in that way, the separateness of our selves comes first." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "A Separate Self"

We’re not here to connect with everybody. That’s an idea that has its roots back in European Romanticism: the idea we’re suffering because we don’t connect with all our fellow humanity.

"We’re not here to connect with everybody. That’s an idea that has its roots back in European Romanticism: the idea we’re suffering because we don’t connect with all our fellow humanity. Well, there are some people you don’t want to connect with because they’ll have a bad influence on you. It’s not that you’re passing judgment on them forever, but you use your judgment, you use your circumspection to see which friendships are actually having a good impact on you, and which ones are not." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "Circumspection"

So for this question the mind always has — “What should I do now?” — the Buddha provides an answer for it. This is why the Dhamma is so good for the mind, so right for the mind, because it answers your burning question.

"So for this question the mind always has — “What should I do now?” — [the Buddha] provides an answer for it. This is why the Dhamma is so good for the mind, so right for the mind, because it answers your burning question: You’ve got these responsibilities. How do you handle them, for the sake of a happiness that’s worth the effort that goes into it? The Buddha doesn’t waste his time talking about totally irrelevant things. After all, he said he learned a lot of things in the course of his awakening that he didn’t talk about. Why? Because it wouldn’t help with the solution to this problem: Why are we suffering? What are we doing that’s creating the suffering and what can we do to stop? He was very critical of teachers who would engage in what he called “bombast”: flowery words, beautiful sentiments that don’t offer any guidance that could be applied to that question, “What should I do next? What is the wisest thing to do next?” So we should take his teachings and app...

When you're angry the first order of business is to see anger as something really harmful.

"You’ve got karma: You’ve got to keep thinking about that all the time. What kind of life are you creating for yourself if you keep acting on anger? The Buddha said, for one thing, that you make yourself ugly. You end up destroying things that have value. You can destroy friendships very easily. You can destroy things physically and you say and do things that, in the moment, you think are really clever. But when you reflect on them later, you realize you’ve done a lot of harm. So as I said, the first order of business is to see anger as something really harmful. As for the voice that says, “Well, how are you going to get things done in the world? How are you going to change things that need to be changed?” there are lots of ways you can make change without having to be angry about it. In fact, when you can think more calmly and clearly about things, you’re more likely to come up with an effective idea of what should be done." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "Anger"

So for this question the mind always has — “What should I do now?” — the Buddha provides an answer for it. This is why the Dhamma is so good for the mind, so right for the mind, because it answers your burning question.

"So for this question the mind always has — “What should I do now?” — [the Buddha] provides an answer for it. This is why the Dhamma is so good for the mind, so right for the mind, because it answers your burning question: You’ve got these responsibilities. How do you handle them, for the sake of a happiness that’s worth the effort that goes into it? The Buddha doesn’t waste his time talking about totally irrelevant things. After all, he said he learned a lot of things in the course of his awakening that he didn’t talk about. Why? Because it wouldn’t help with the solution to this problem: Why are we suffering? What are we doing that’s creating the suffering and what can we do to stop? He was very critical of teachers who would engage in what he called “bombast”: flowery words, beautiful sentiments that don’t offer any guidance that could be applied to that question, “What should I do next? What is the wisest thing to do next?” So we should take his teachings and apply them right...

So you want to make sure that you’re aiming, at the very least, at not harming anyone, finding a happiness that’s reliable and trustworthy. Ultimately you want to be able to find a way to put an end to suffering.

"Are your views right? If your views are wrong, they can send you off in all sorts of directions. So you want to make sure that you’re aiming, at the very least, at not harming anyone, finding a happiness that’s reliable and trustworthy that doesn’t require that you harm anybody else, doesn’t require that you harm yourself. Ultimately you want to be able to find a way to put an end to suffering. That’s the right direction in which you should aim your life. So you should ask yourself, “The people I’m associating with: Is that where they aim? How about myself: Is that where I aim?” Look at where you’re aiming your life. If you see that you’re heading off in the wrong direction, you’ve got the wrong target, try to change the target. Change so that it’s the right direction, so that you’re not causing any suffering — you’re not causing yourself suffering, you’re not causing anyone else any suffering. At the same time, you’re developing those treasures you can take with you. Because in...

The choices you make really do make a difference, and the quality of your intention determines whether your actions will lead to happiness or not. You want to look for a person who believes in that, because that person gives you a good example for improving your own attitude.

"Your actions really do matter. This is a principle you want to learn from other people: The choices you make really do make a difference, and the quality of your intention determines whether your actions will lead to happiness or not. You want to look for a person who believes in that, because that person is more likely to be kind and generous in his or her actions. At the same time, that person gives you a good example for improving your own attitude." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "The Brightness of the World"

It’s good to think about the whole issue of past lives as a general principle, without getting into the details, because it’s one way of getting out of our own individual stories right now.

"Ajaan Fuang once said that it’s a good thing most of us can’t remember our past lives because we could very easily get fixated on all the wrong that was done to us, all the issues that never got settled. And we might want to go back and settle some old scores. Of course, there’d be no end to that. After all, the people whose scores got settled would probably want to settle some scores with us, because the other part of potentially remembering your past lives is remembering all the wrongs you did, the ways you harmed people, that you’d be ashamed to think about now. But just the thought of that possibility leaves us with an important lesson. No scores are fully settled. Things don’t come to closure. This is the nature of samsara: It just keeps wandering on and on and on. No story comes to an end. We watch plays, read books, where events come to a satisfying closure, and part of us would like to see that in our own lives as well. But one of the facts you have to accep...

If you’re practicing for the good that it leads you to do in this lifetime, all well and good. But also be prepared for the fact that it will actually carry over to what you become in the next lifetime around.

Question: My friends ask me why it matters which being I will reincarnate as, because it, she, or he will not remember that it, she, or he was me in the former life? Indeed, I have no memories of my former lives. Maybe they were much better, but I do not suffer from it as I do not know. This system sounds like you work really hard all your life for someone else to get the results from all your good actions. What should I tell them? P.S. Personally, I meditate and practice virtue for the benefits it brings me in this very life. Thanissaro Bhikkhu: Are you the same person that you were when you were a child? Yes and no. However, many things that you did when you were a child, like going to school, are definitely benefiting you now. At the time you were a child you felt that “I am me.” Now you feel, “I am me,” even though you now look and act and think like a very different person. The same sort of principle applies whether it’s in the same lifetime or going over to another lifetime. ...

When you're angry the first order of business is to see anger as something really harmful.

"You’ve got karma: You’ve got to keep thinking about that all the time. What kind of life are you creating for yourself if you keep acting on anger? The Buddha said, for one thing, that you make yourself ugly. You end up destroying things that have value. You can destroy friendships very easily. You can destroy things physically and you say and do things that, in the moment, you think are really clever. But when you reflect on them later, you realize you’ve done a lot of harm. So as I said, the first order of business is to see anger as something really harmful. As for the voice that says, “Well, how are you going to get things done in the world? How are you going to change things that need to be changed?” there are lots of ways you can make change without having to be angry about it. In fact, when you can think more calmly and clearly about things, you’re more likely to come up with an effective idea of what should be done." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "Anger"

Your good or bad actions, not other people's, determine whether you'll go to heaven or hell

"Admirable friends can’t do the work for you. As [the Buddha] says, no one can purify you; you can’t purify anybody else. You don’t go to heaven because of other people’s good actions; you don’t go to hell because of other people’s bad actions. It’s your actions that determine that. So there is that sense in which you’re separate. And of course you’re the one who chooses your friends to begin with. So in that way, the separateness of our selves comes first." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "A Separate Self"

Other paths may state that there is a being who can sidestep the law of kamma and provide for one’s happiness without one’s having to master the skills of the noble eightfold path, or that certain ritual actions or words can provide a similar shortcut to happiness.

"Buddhism’s basic premise is the principle of kamma, that happiness and suffering are the results of one’s own past and present actions. The noble eightfold path grows out of this principle as the most skillful mode of action for escaping from the cycle of kammic retribution and attaining the Deathless. Other paths are either incomplete expressions of the noble eightfold path or are based on other principles. For example, they may state that there is a being who can sidestep the law of kamma and provide for one’s happiness without one’s having to master the skills of the noble eightfold path, or that certain ritual actions or words can provide a similar shortcut to happiness. People who follow either of these two latter beliefs could well feel threatened by outsiders who do not share their beliefs, for the outsiders are in effect denying the existence of a shortcut on which the insiders are placing their hopes. This explains why such people have often been intolerant of outside vi...

The Buddha advises you to protect other beings, protect their belongings, respect people's rights, tell the truth, and promote friendships and goodness in other people. This is the positive side to virtue.

"When the Buddha advises you not to kill, he also recommends that you be gentle and protective of other beings. The same with the precept against stealing: You also protect other people’s belongings as best you can. The precept against illicit sex: You respect people’s rights; you don’t let your lust overcome the bounds of propriety. The precept against lying: You try to be a person who tells the truth, you try to promote friendships, you try to promote goodness in other people as well. So there’s a positive side to virtue, too." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "Spread Goodness Around" (Meditations9)

The Buddha advises you to protect other beings, protect their belongings, respect people's rights, tell the truth, and promote friendships and goodness in other people. This is the positive side to virtue.

"When the Buddha advises you not to kill, he also recommends that you be gentle and protective of other beings. The same with the precept against stealing: You also protect other people’s belongings as best you can. The precept against illicit sex: You respect people’s rights; you don’t let your lust overcome the bounds of propriety. The precept against lying: You try to be a person who tells the truth, you try to promote friendships, you try to promote goodness in other people as well. So there’s a positive side to virtue, too." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "Spread Goodness Around" (Meditations9)

Your good or bad actions, not other people's, determine whether you'll go to heaven or hell

"As [the Buddha] says, no one can purify you; you can’t purify anybody else. You don’t go to heaven because of other people’s good actions; you don’t go to hell because of other people’s bad actions. It’s your actions that determine that. So there is that sense in which you’re separate. And of course you’re the one who chooses your friends to begin with. So in that way, the separateness of our selves comes first." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "A Separate Self"

When you're angry the first order of business is to see anger as something really harmful.

"You’ve got karma: You’ve got to keep thinking about that all the time. What kind of life are you creating for yourself if you keep acting on anger? The Buddha said, for one thing, that you make yourself ugly. You end up destroying things that have value. You can destroy friendships very easily. You can destroy things physically and you say and do things that, in the moment, you think are really clever. But when you reflect on them later, you realize you’ve done a lot of harm. So as I said, the first order of business is to see anger as something really harmful. As for the voice that says, “Well, how are you going to get things done in the world? How are you going to change things that need to be changed?” there are lots of ways you can make change without having to be angry about it. In fact, when you can think more calmly and clearly about things, you’re more likely to come up with an effective idea of what should be done." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "Anger"