Reconciliation is a lot of work, and it requires that both sides want it. So if you find yourself in a situation where you can’t get reconciled, then you have to simply forgive the other side, i.e., not try to get back at them. And leave it at that.

"As long as we live in a sensual realm, the Buddha said, there are going to be fights between parents and children, brothers and sisters, brothers and brothers, sisters and sisters, and between the parents themselves. This is something you’ve got to accept.

There are two ways you can try to get past those quarrels. One is through reconciliation; the other’s through forgiveness. Now, reconciliation requires that everybody involved wants to patch up the relationship. Whoever’s acted harmfully has to admit that he or she has acted harmfully and to promise never to do it again — and has to make the promise in such a way that the other side believes it, or at least is determined to continue with the relationship. In other words, you share common values about what’s right and wrong, what’s proper and improper. As for the person wronged, he or she has to behave in a way that shows respect for the other side.

Reconciliation is a lot of work, and it requires that both sides want it. This is where you run up against one of the frustrating parts about living with human beings. One person will wrong another and not even admit that it was wrong. They’ll complain that the other person is not being compassionate — or a whole list of other ways that people try to get around a genuine reconciliation. So if you find yourself in a situation where you can’t get reconciled, then you have to simply forgive the other side, i.e., not try to get back at them. And leave it at that. In other words, the relationship is never going to be healed until both sides are ready to do the work of reconciliation. In the meantime, you have to live with an unhealed relationship, or try to break it off. This is one of the limitations of being in the human world, the limitations of being a parent, a sibling, or a child."

~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "Family Ties"

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